My underwear smells like fireworks.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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