Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
