So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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