Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
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