all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
