The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
