Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
