why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
