Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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