I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
