I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
