but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
