Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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