peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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