He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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