apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just want to make out with him forever
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
