I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
