porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
