I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
