Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
