I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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