will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
