also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
