last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
