Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
