oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
