he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
