Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
