Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
