I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
