Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
