I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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