So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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