i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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