he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
