is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
