you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
