I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
