I met the friendliest cop last night
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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