so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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