Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
