Banned from zoo.
Again?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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