I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
