there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
