Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
