I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
