I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
