You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
