I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
