he shaved USA in his pubs
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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