Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
