I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
