His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
