I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
