it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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